Growing up, I always wanted a brother or a sister, or two or five...but after my mother passed away a month ago, I soon grew a stronger appreciation for being an only child. Some might say that handling the whole situation might've been easier if I had brothers or sisters to lean on, but I have to disagree. I am sure siblings are fabulous but the relationship that my mom and I shared was unparalleled and especially, during the time that she was suffering from Ovarian Cancer, we grew so close and went through so much together that I'm not sure there would've been room for another person to join in our bond.
Even as time has slowly passed since the day my mom died, I find myself thinking of her everyday. There's certain memories that only she and I share. Certain inside jokes. Certain songs that remind us of each other. It is those types of inner circle memories that remind me of how blessed I was to share those times in a way only I can appreciate.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Monday, February 13, 2012
Lessons Learned from My Mother
Recently one of my friends, who is a relatively new mother, posted a list of lessons for her young 2 year old daughter on her new blog. The idea really stuck with me and I've thought about the lessons that I have learned because of my mother's short time here on Earth. Here is a start to the list, though hardly comprehensive.
1) Be welcoming to everyone. Typically, the people who need you most are those that are not in the spotlight, but rather the ones that are wallflowers rarely getting the recognition they deserve. Another note to this would be the old addage of not judging a book by its cover.
2) Send thoughtful thank you notes and birthday cards. Though people will remember great gifts, being thoughtful can also be found in the power of words. Rather than spending time writing generic thank you notes in a rushed timeline, she always had a way of including a little something in her notes that made you feel special.
3) Sing, whether on stage, in the shower, or even the car, my mother had a way of making things more fun by singing. It always lightened the mood during any moment and her voice was angelic.
4) Learn to laugh at yourself. My mom had a great sense of humor, but always reminded me to not take myself too seriously.
5) Don't underestimate the intelligence of young children. I was always impressed by the way my mom didn't talk down to kids. She spoke to them in a way as if they were just pint-sized versions of adults and gave them the same respect, if not more.
6) Do your best at work and help others along the way. My mom was always loyal to her job and her co-workers. She never tried to climb the corporate ladder past her colleagues, if it meant that it would hurt the team.
7) End conversations making sure that the people you love know you them.
8) Never give up. There is a great quote that a friend once sent me when my mom was first diagnosed with cancer that says, "Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow." This quote embodies my mom's courage. She was the strongest woman I knew, her oncologist once told her she had the strength of 1,000 men.
9) It's okay to be emotional. Bottling up your feelings never helps and usually makes things worse. When you have to cry, find a good place to do so and cry. If you have to yell, go for it. As long as it doesn't hurt anyone else, let your feelings go but then learn to be at peace with them.
10) Know when to ask for help. "No man is an island."
1) Be welcoming to everyone. Typically, the people who need you most are those that are not in the spotlight, but rather the ones that are wallflowers rarely getting the recognition they deserve. Another note to this would be the old addage of not judging a book by its cover.
2) Send thoughtful thank you notes and birthday cards. Though people will remember great gifts, being thoughtful can also be found in the power of words. Rather than spending time writing generic thank you notes in a rushed timeline, she always had a way of including a little something in her notes that made you feel special.
3) Sing, whether on stage, in the shower, or even the car, my mother had a way of making things more fun by singing. It always lightened the mood during any moment and her voice was angelic.
4) Learn to laugh at yourself. My mom had a great sense of humor, but always reminded me to not take myself too seriously.
5) Don't underestimate the intelligence of young children. I was always impressed by the way my mom didn't talk down to kids. She spoke to them in a way as if they were just pint-sized versions of adults and gave them the same respect, if not more.
6) Do your best at work and help others along the way. My mom was always loyal to her job and her co-workers. She never tried to climb the corporate ladder past her colleagues, if it meant that it would hurt the team.
7) End conversations making sure that the people you love know you them.
8) Never give up. There is a great quote that a friend once sent me when my mom was first diagnosed with cancer that says, "Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow." This quote embodies my mom's courage. She was the strongest woman I knew, her oncologist once told her she had the strength of 1,000 men.
9) It's okay to be emotional. Bottling up your feelings never helps and usually makes things worse. When you have to cry, find a good place to do so and cry. If you have to yell, go for it. As long as it doesn't hurt anyone else, let your feelings go but then learn to be at peace with them.
10) Know when to ask for help. "No man is an island."
Sunday, February 12, 2012
A Celebration of Life
When my mom was still alive, towards the end of her life, she wanted to help as much as possible, especially with the arrangements for her own funeral. To some, this must seem a bit morbid, but to her, it was her last way of helping ease some of the burden and add her own special personality to the way she would be remembered.
My mom helped me write her obituary (http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/washingtonpost/obituary.aspx?n=michelle-l-naranjo&pid=155764291&fhid=2190) one day about a week before Christmas. She also planned a Celebration of Life brunch for those closest to her, which was perhaps the most special part of the planning process--unorthodox and a beautiful tradition.
It was a gathering of about 50 people, if she could've, she probably would've included everyone she ever met. She wanted people to share a meal and have time to share happy memories of her after the memorial service and burial. It took place this morning. Kids were invited (a total of 5 kids under 4 attended, which she would've loved). It was such a great way to end this weekend, which to most would've been incredibly difficult.
Life will never be the same but my mom did what she could to prepare us for passing on to a more special place. Glad to have a guardian angel like her in the wings helping me along my own path.
My mom helped me write her obituary (http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/washingtonpost/obituary.aspx?n=michelle-l-naranjo&pid=155764291&fhid=2190) one day about a week before Christmas. She also planned a Celebration of Life brunch for those closest to her, which was perhaps the most special part of the planning process--unorthodox and a beautiful tradition.
It was a gathering of about 50 people, if she could've, she probably would've included everyone she ever met. She wanted people to share a meal and have time to share happy memories of her after the memorial service and burial. It took place this morning. Kids were invited (a total of 5 kids under 4 attended, which she would've loved). It was such a great way to end this weekend, which to most would've been incredibly difficult.
Life will never be the same but my mom did what she could to prepare us for passing on to a more special place. Glad to have a guardian angel like her in the wings helping me along my own path.
Happy Memories
No one ever expects to bury their mother at my age. Friday it was a reality for me and I wanted to give a glimpse into the life of my mother the way that I knew her.
My mom had a lot of great qualities but perhaps the best was her ability to light up a room with her smile and positive attitude. I think everyone here can agree on that. As a young child, I have some beautiful memories of the time we spent together. She had a way of making everything fun. I have memories of going to the zoo, road trips to the beach and weekends singing karaoke. If you’ve ever heard the song, “Rescue Me” by Aretha Franklin, you’ve only heard the 2nd best version of the song—quite frankly, my mom rocked it. On the ride to school in the mornings, we would sing as loud as we could to the radio and had to whisper the songs really low as we drove onto the school property as to not be embarrassed. Something I only recently realized I picked up from her and do with the girls I babysit to this day.
My mom was always really creative and thoughtful and organized a huge family photo with all of my cousins back in 1990—something that to this day 22 years later is still treasured by different relatives and a great reminder to us all of how fashion trends have changed. She had my cousins and I tape record Christmas Songs one year and give them as presents. She was always the person at my school and at work that organized the donations for families who were in need during Christmas time. She always volunteered at major DC races and made volunteering an integral part of my life. If you can’t give money, give your time.
When I was in high school, I used to have the usual teenage reaction to when people said “Oh you’re so much like your parents.” “You remind me of your mother”. As I’ve gotten older and especially today, I take that as the best compliment I could ever receive.
When my mom got sick in September 2010, I almost didn’t believe it. My mom never even got the flu. My mom was the type of person who was loyal to her job. I think the count of sick and leave days that she had accrued over almost 20 years of working with the hospital system was in the 200’s and that’s not an exaggeration.
Life changed from that point on. Slowly, aside from Ovarian Cancer, it was the other ailments that really made life difficult. We chose the saying on the prayer card for a reason. While a simple prayer or a poem might have also been appropriate, my mom didn’t let cancer take away her spirit. She was still the type of person who could make you laugh and forget about little things that bothered you. She still worried about my aunt and her aunt and other people that might’ve needed her help along the way. She never complained about anything that happened to her—she was a rock through it all.
A few people have mentioned to me that they didn’t think my mom deserved this and they were having trouble with God in understanding why my mom had to go through what she did and die such an untimely death. I can’t explain why this happened but I can tell you that my mom taught me so much during her lifetime and especially the last year or so. She is a symbol of strength and at the very least, a guardian angel for each of us. We owe it to her to keep a little memory of her alive in our everyday lives—whether it’s a song or a joke; a smile or a simple moment to just stop and listen to someone who needs you to—do what my mom would’ve done and do it proudly.
To borrow a quote that she used as her mantra over the years, “I’d rather have 30 minutes of wonderful, then a lifetime of nothing special.” Here’s to all the wonderful moments she shared with each of us.
My mom had a lot of great qualities but perhaps the best was her ability to light up a room with her smile and positive attitude. I think everyone here can agree on that. As a young child, I have some beautiful memories of the time we spent together. She had a way of making everything fun. I have memories of going to the zoo, road trips to the beach and weekends singing karaoke. If you’ve ever heard the song, “Rescue Me” by Aretha Franklin, you’ve only heard the 2nd best version of the song—quite frankly, my mom rocked it. On the ride to school in the mornings, we would sing as loud as we could to the radio and had to whisper the songs really low as we drove onto the school property as to not be embarrassed. Something I only recently realized I picked up from her and do with the girls I babysit to this day.
My mom was always really creative and thoughtful and organized a huge family photo with all of my cousins back in 1990—something that to this day 22 years later is still treasured by different relatives and a great reminder to us all of how fashion trends have changed. She had my cousins and I tape record Christmas Songs one year and give them as presents. She was always the person at my school and at work that organized the donations for families who were in need during Christmas time. She always volunteered at major DC races and made volunteering an integral part of my life. If you can’t give money, give your time.
When I was in high school, I used to have the usual teenage reaction to when people said “Oh you’re so much like your parents.” “You remind me of your mother”. As I’ve gotten older and especially today, I take that as the best compliment I could ever receive.
When my mom got sick in September 2010, I almost didn’t believe it. My mom never even got the flu. My mom was the type of person who was loyal to her job. I think the count of sick and leave days that she had accrued over almost 20 years of working with the hospital system was in the 200’s and that’s not an exaggeration.
Life changed from that point on. Slowly, aside from Ovarian Cancer, it was the other ailments that really made life difficult. We chose the saying on the prayer card for a reason. While a simple prayer or a poem might have also been appropriate, my mom didn’t let cancer take away her spirit. She was still the type of person who could make you laugh and forget about little things that bothered you. She still worried about my aunt and her aunt and other people that might’ve needed her help along the way. She never complained about anything that happened to her—she was a rock through it all.
A few people have mentioned to me that they didn’t think my mom deserved this and they were having trouble with God in understanding why my mom had to go through what she did and die such an untimely death. I can’t explain why this happened but I can tell you that my mom taught me so much during her lifetime and especially the last year or so. She is a symbol of strength and at the very least, a guardian angel for each of us. We owe it to her to keep a little memory of her alive in our everyday lives—whether it’s a song or a joke; a smile or a simple moment to just stop and listen to someone who needs you to—do what my mom would’ve done and do it proudly.
To borrow a quote that she used as her mantra over the years, “I’d rather have 30 minutes of wonderful, then a lifetime of nothing special.” Here’s to all the wonderful moments she shared with each of us.
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