My mom passed away about five weeks ago and there are already a few things that seem to be missing in life. Not just for me, but for others that knew her too.
I realized this happens the day that we held my abuelita's funeral and my aunt offered to help fill her shoes in the role she had taken on for each of her 6 children and many grandchildren, great-grandchildren and friends.
My mom's lineage ends with me, there are no successions of youth because she, in fact, was so young, but her impact, her ripples of effect are seen each day. Sometimes I see it as a privelege to take on roles she once served and sometimes it is an unbearable weight.
In the meantime, I follow the simple mantra to "Do what you can, where you are, with what you have". I've organized a 5K team to support the work and research that the National Ovarian Cancer Coalition has coordinated. I've tried to be supportive to family and friends the way my mom would. I've taken care of all the financial and legal matters that come about when someone passes. All in all, there is still this void that is longing to be filled with her passing.
Showing posts with label death. Show all posts
Showing posts with label death. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Friday, January 27, 2012
Waiting on a Guardian Angel
Though this blog is a recollection of thoughts since September 2010, you'll note that if I had started this blog, say in September 2011 or before, there would be a different more hopeful tone for recovery. Maybe even in November 2011, when my mom went to the hospital for a second long visit, there would be a glimpse of possibility that my mom, the strong fighter that she is would come out of this better than ever. With all of the complications that she's experienced, it's a medical miracle she's lasted this long and somehow been as resilient as they come--physically and spritually.
In any event, December 2011 was a turn from the hopeful attitude we had all been carrying with us, though diminishing as time passed. December was the month, that after a second debulking surgery and a colostomy (the tumor had spread and surrounding her colon and majorly affected its functioning), the doctors suggested that we stop treatment and she move home with hospice treatment. She had tried 4 different chemicals in chemotherapy and 2 debulking surgeries to no avail. The only other regimen to follow would have been radiation, which had a low chance of making much difference and she was already so weak that the best option was to keep her comfortable and pain-free. Hospice treatment is typically offered to those that will die "soon". Soon is unfortunately a horrible descriptive word to use. I've heard estimates of days and weeks and now we have surpassed almost 2 months to the day.
Not very many people talk about death in such a real way and luckily at 26, I am old enough to not be a helpless child as a bystander and I am young enough to claim just 1 on my taxes, so my focuses can be on all the little things you might not even understand or think of--retirement funds, social security, funeral homes, cemeteries, bank processes, etc.
Most recently, on Tuesday, January 24, my mother was moved from a hospice care team that visited intermittently at home to a hospice in-patient facility due to some major changes in her status. My dad and I were both nervous about how my mother would react to this change but has thus far accepted it and mentioned that she was at peace with the decision and her limited time here on earth--keep in mind, she, herself, is still young in her mid-forties.
As a child, I always envisioned my mom being present for things like my wedding and the birth of my future child prodigies :) but unfortunately those are things that I have come to terms with now. The idea of guardian angels is now more real than ever.
In any event, December 2011 was a turn from the hopeful attitude we had all been carrying with us, though diminishing as time passed. December was the month, that after a second debulking surgery and a colostomy (the tumor had spread and surrounding her colon and majorly affected its functioning), the doctors suggested that we stop treatment and she move home with hospice treatment. She had tried 4 different chemicals in chemotherapy and 2 debulking surgeries to no avail. The only other regimen to follow would have been radiation, which had a low chance of making much difference and she was already so weak that the best option was to keep her comfortable and pain-free. Hospice treatment is typically offered to those that will die "soon". Soon is unfortunately a horrible descriptive word to use. I've heard estimates of days and weeks and now we have surpassed almost 2 months to the day.
Not very many people talk about death in such a real way and luckily at 26, I am old enough to not be a helpless child as a bystander and I am young enough to claim just 1 on my taxes, so my focuses can be on all the little things you might not even understand or think of--retirement funds, social security, funeral homes, cemeteries, bank processes, etc.
Most recently, on Tuesday, January 24, my mother was moved from a hospice care team that visited intermittently at home to a hospice in-patient facility due to some major changes in her status. My dad and I were both nervous about how my mother would react to this change but has thus far accepted it and mentioned that she was at peace with the decision and her limited time here on earth--keep in mind, she, herself, is still young in her mid-forties.
As a child, I always envisioned my mom being present for things like my wedding and the birth of my future child prodigies :) but unfortunately those are things that I have come to terms with now. The idea of guardian angels is now more real than ever.
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